Are you wondering what has happened to the emotional connection you used to have with your partner? Do you feel more like roommates than lovers? Seeking marriage counseling or couples therapy as soon as you begin to notice the warning signs is best.
We hear a lot of alarm bells about marriage being in crisis. Perhaps it’s not in crisis—it’s at a crossroads in America. Marriage can be redefined from an economic institution to an emotional connection. We long to be known and accepted at our core. Our marriage can be where we turn for support, comfort, and to fulfill our cherished desires. Not just in the honeymoon period but throughout the life of our marriage. To keep a solid connection takes a high level of relationship skill. We’re demanding more of our marriages, and that means marriage demands more of us.
Divorce is never easy, and it’s something that all men and women should do their best to avoid. For both the man and the woman it’s traumatic to observe a love and a friendship that was meant to last for ever falling apart at the seams as two people who once pined for each other now squabbling over every petty little matter. Even more is this the case if you have kids who will be caught in the terrible struggle.
The science of marriage counseling is being studied in great detail these days. “The real mystery seems to be why men and women ever get together in the first place!”, explains Dr. John Gottmann. Gottmann is a medical physician and a professor of psychology at UCLA. He is also the principle investigator of a 2010 study aimed at discovering if marriage counseling actually works and if so, under what circumstances it works well.
Gottmann continues, “Marriages seem to act like atomic structures. There are strong interior forces that pull the two parties (particles) together, but when these attracting forces dissipate, the result is an angry, violent explosion because the forces that repel are almost as strong as the original forces that brought the couple together. The analogy can be taken even further; often the threat of mutually assured destruction is the only calming influence.”
Enter the marriage counselor. Gottmann explains that marriage counseling is least effective when one or both parties are committed to the divorce. Often the commitment to divorce does not happen right away, but occurs after a marriage has been in trouble for awhile. So Gottmann is clear about one of the most important findings in his research:
“If your marriage is in trouble, get counseling help immediately.”
We couldn’t agree more. If you live in Mt. Pleasant, Daniel Island, or the Charleston SC area, we offer private, effective marriage counseling at a reasonable cost to the couple. Call or email us today.
Dr. Brian Sullivan has been a marriage counselor in the Charleston area for 19 years and is an expert at helping people build that emotional connection. It doesn’t take years. On average, we see couples for 12 to 20 sessions. Get help today by calling 843.971.5171.